Heart and Soul
~posted 03.19.2007

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By Cherry Crayton ‘01, ‘03 MED, published in Spring 2007.


In her own inimitable style, women’s basketball coach Kay Yow discusses her career, her faith and her battle against breast cancer.

Thirty-six years. More than 700 wins and counting. Kay Yow’s impressive record as a women’s basketball coach has earned her a place in seven halls of fame. The NC State coach has led the USA women’s team to Olympic gold, won multiple ACC championships and taken the Wolfpack to a Final Four. But it’s her spirit that has earned her a place in our hearts.

Yow returned to the sidelines in January just two months after taking a leave of absence to undergo breast cancer treatment for the third time. In the midst of her 28th winning season, while battling stage IV cancer, she took time to talk about her three-plus decades at NC State. The interview she gave confirms why she’s an inspiration not only to her teams, but to us all: passion, indomitable spirit, selfless service and grace under pressure.

You’re often described as a pioneer. What do you think your role has been in the growth of women’s sports?
Pioneer. I don’t know. That word sounds old, but I guess 40-some years of coaching is a long time. Your mind still tends to think young, but years are going by. I’ve been a part of almost all organizations that relate to basketball at some point in time, and I’ve tried to make a small impact in some way. Besides just coaching at NC State, I hope I have made a difference somewhere along the way giving to the community and being part of the community. I once read that the first third of your life is about learning, the second third is about earning, and the last third is about returning. These things can overlap here and there, but basically that is what you do. There are some people who dig wells so [they] can drink from them. But there comes a time when you’ve got to dig the wells so others can drink from them.

How did you become interested in sports?
Both my parents were very much interested in sports. When I was 7 years old, for Christmas, I got my first basketball and [my parents] put a gold basketball goal up in the yard. From that time on, I spent many hours shooting that basketball in my yard. [It gave me] immediate results. You can go out and challenge yourself. You can set goals and you get immediate feedback on how you are doing. If it goes in, success—the results are good. If not, you know to continue working to make the results better.

What examples did you have of women in sports as a child, and how did they shape your experiences?
I had a female coach when I was a freshman in high school. Then I had a male coach, and then I had a guy who coached my last two years. Most of the teams in the county schools were coached by men at that time. Because most of the coaches were men, and the opportunity wasn’t there to play in college, I never really thought about coaching. I saw myself being a teacher. When I got out of college, I applied for a job at Allen Jay High School [in High Point]. The principal at [the school], Mr. A. Doyle Early, had been principal there for quite some time, and he knew me when I was a player at Gibsonville. The Southern Association [of Colleges and Schools] was starting to accredit high schools, and they wanted a woman associated with their women’s basketball team. A guy had coached both the girls and boys for 13 years there. And I was applying to teach senior English. [Mr. Early] brought it up [that he wanted me to coach the girls]. I thought, “No way.” Basically, Mr. Early talked me into doing it.

What did you learn that has continued to shape your coaching?
Mr. Early kept me crossing my t’s, dotting my i’s. I had to be on top of things because he had high expectations. During my first year there, we won the regular season. It wasn’t because of my coaching; it was because of some great players that were on that team. We didn’t have state championships for girls at that time. The highest you could go was to win your conference and then play your conference tournament. We ended up playing in the tournament championship, and the game went right down to the wire. We had a one-point lead, but the team we were playing—with about 12 seconds left—hit a shot [that] put them one point up. My players just took the ball out of bounds, passed it up the right side, another player runs up the left and across to the free throw line on the other end. We made two passes and hit this player—that was my best player—and she just went up in the air and shot. As she shot, time ran out. The ball hit the back of the rim and bounced straight up for what seemed like an eternity. When it came down, it swished through the net. We had won the championship. My players had towels in their hands and they just threw the towels in the air. It was a great celebration and everybody was coming over, shaking my hand, saying congratulations. I was floating in the sky. I was in the clouds. This went on for about 30 minutes. Then I saw Mr. Early walking toward me. He was a man of few compliments. I thought, “Wow! He’s coming up like everybody else to shake my hand and tell me ‘Great job.’ ” As he got closer, I noticed the expression on his face wasn’t like everybody else’s. I had my hand out, but I put it down. I was 22, enjoying this moment tremendously, probably thinking more highly of myself than I ought to. He came over and said, “Coach Yow, you brought 12 towels over here, and I want you to take 12 towels back.” My feet just went bam. I came down out of the clouds. When he said something, he expected it to happen. And then he said, “You brought 12 towels. You need to count and make sure you have 12 towels to go back. Count the towels.” Then he just left. Now stragglers were coming over to congratulate me, and I had to just say, “Well, thanks, but I’ve got something I have got to take care of.” I had to start looking for those towels because I knew I either had to get them or buy more because he would come by my homeroom on Monday to see if they were there. Mr. Early, he gave me a great lesson in perspective.

What was that lesson?
Keep things in perspective. “OK, so you won. But you have responsibilities, and you are accountable for things, and you will have to be sure that those things are taken care of. You can’t lose focus and lose track. It is a great win, but that is not the only thing happening out here.” Even when I won the gold medal in Seoul in 1988, as the clock was ticking down [that final game], a marquee [was] going around in my head that just said, “Count the towels.” I don’t think I’ve ever won a championship and didn’t think, “Count the towels.”

How do you pass that on to your players?
I try to do it both by words and by example. I try to be grateful and humble in victory and in loss. I think today a lot of people put the blame on somebody else or something else. First, I think you have to look at yourself and what more you could have done. But it is just easy to put [blame] on somebody else rather than say, “If I had just done this or if I had done this, we could have possibly made it happen.” Taking responsibility and being accountable—that is another thing that is very important in keeping perspective.

You are known for building strong relationships with your players. What do you gain from creating and maintaining those types of bonds?
That is my job and what makes my job worthwhile. If it was as shallow as the number of [wins] or [losses] that I have, what would that be? In the end, it is relationships that matter. They are far above anything else because they continue for a lifetime. To see [players] continue to grow and to continue to be a part of their life, that is really special. I’m there for them, but they are there for me. It is a mutual thing. You share so much that you become a special kind of family.

How do you turn players into family?
By spending time with them. Just talking to them to try to encourage and motivate them and help them get perspective on what is really important. Traveling, eating meals together, working together in practice, playing in some really tough games and experiencing victory and defeat with them.

What have your players taught you?
Each person is a unique individual. The same motivations don’t work for every single person. Some people need to be spoken more sternly to. Others need more loving care. They’ve all come from different backgrounds, have all dealt with many different situations. The more that you know people, the more you can help them.

What do you hope your players learn from you?
I hope they recognize how strong my faith is. My faith is at the top of the list. I know sometimes they say, “Coach Yow is just a really strong person.” But I hope when they are saying that, they know that my strength doesn’t come from me; it comes from the Lord. My favorite Bible verse is Philippians 4:13—“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” I don’t have the strength myself, but Christ provides the strength for me as I lean and depend on him. And I hope that they see that in me, where my strength, where my energy, where my motivation comes from—that everything starts with my faith. I feel like if they know that, and they are really thinking about it, then maybe they will have that faith in themselves.

How did you come to develop your faith?
My mother took me to church all my life. But my personal relationship with Christ came about my very first year at NC State. I came in July 1975, and this happened in November 1975. It was through Campus Crusade for Christ, and a gal named Laurie Moore visited me almost every week from the time I came on campus. I didn’t realize the Lord was working on my heart and my mind all those weeks because I was very uncomfortable with her talking to me for quite some time. She wanted to meet with my team, and I thought, “I’d never do that.” But I was very polite with her. And the one thing she said to me one week was, “Coach Yow, you are a really good person. You are really good to your players. You care about them. You want to try to help them. You try to be fair with them.” But she said, “Do you know good people don’t go to heaven?” When she made that statement, it stuck with me.

How did you end up at NC State?
I had been the coordinator of athletics and the basketball and volleyball coach at [Elon College] for five years when Smith Barrier—the sports editor at the Greensboro Daily News—called one day and said, “I hear there’s an opening at NC State. I know the athletics director [Willis Casey], and I think you should go and interview there.” I never thought about doing that. He really encouraged and pushed me until I said, “OK. I will do it.” I interviewed on a Friday with Willis Casey and Frank Weedon, assistant athletics director. While I was there, Mr. Casey asked me, “If we offered you the job, would you take it?” Well, gosh, I had thought about it, but I had to say yes or no. So I just said yes. On Monday, he called and told me that I had been hired. That was it. I came to Raleigh. (She also coached the NC State volleyball and softball teams two years.)

What are some of your most memorable moments at NC State?
Our first victory against UNC was in my first year (the 1975—76 season). It was in January at home. It was the first televised women’s game in the state of North Carolina. We won that game, and it was our first really big game. Along the way, we beat some teams that were ranked No. 1 in the nation. Anytime we beat a team ranked No. 1, that is a memorable experience. I remember the tournament victories most of all. In 1980 we won our first ACC championship. In 1985, we won. In 1987. In 1991. That 1991 team, talentwise, was probably the best team we ever had. But when we were in the Sweet 16, we had one bad game, and it probably cost us going to the Final Four and having the chance to win the national championship. That loss lingered over us for a long time. It was a terrible loss.

What do you tell a team after a loss like that?
What is delayed is not denied. Connecticut had beat us that game in 1991, and that win over us is one of the things that thrust their program forward. Then, in 1998, it was Connecticut we beat to go to the Final Four. Of course, we were very much the underdog and weren’t supposed to beat them. It was a great thrill. Somehow it helped everybody on the 1991 team.

What did it mean to you to have the court at Reynolds Coliseum named after you on Feb. 16, the same night your team beat No. 2 UNC?
Overwhelming. Having a court named after you is very unexpected. It is not something you go out and work for. [I] just go out to be the best that I [can] be and do the best that I [can] do. As a result of that, this is one of the things that happened to me. And to have [a court named after me] and then to play our archrival, ranked No. 2 in the country, and win the game—to have all your senior starters scoring double figures—you couldn’t have written a script better.

Youve been at NC State for 32 years. Did you ever think about leaving?
Ive always believed, “Bloom where you are planted.” And I just believed that the Lord placed me at NC State. This is where I was meant to be. A few more bucks here or there was not a reason enough for me to think about making a change.

How has your coaching style changed since you’ve been here?
I don’t know that my style has changed. But you have to be flexible only because of the times. Look at how the uniforms have changed—from short shorts to down to the knees. Lots of skills are different for the positions now than they were years ago. You can’t stay locked in 40 years ago. You have to go with the flow. But I would say my values and fundamentals of the game have never changed.

What positive and negative changes have you seen in women’s sports?
There were times we had to buy our own meals, iron our own numbers on our uniforms, drive our own cars, pay for our own gas. And we did it because we wanted to compete. We loved it. I still have that love of sports today, but I don’t think it is perhaps as rich for all the players or coaches. When you’ve been there in the roots and you now have wings, it’s quite exciting. But we have to be careful that it is not a love of money that becomes a priority—or power, fame and position. They can’t become the driving forces in life. If they do, then things are going to start happening that can be on the shady side. We see some of the pitfalls that have happened to men’s teams and coaches. As time goes by, we have to be careful that we don’t move fully into that pattern. We need to understand what could take over as money and TV takes over. We just have to have the kind of values that hold us strong to what is the right thing to do and the best thing for our student athletes.

What is the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do?
Watch my mother suffer with cancer, because she had cancer in the 1980s and through the early 1990s. There just wasn’t much that could help her. They didn’t have the kind of antinausea medicine they have now for treatment, and she would be so sick after her treatment. Watching her take chemo and go through such a tough time. And then watching the last 15 days of her life.

How did that experience change you and prepare you for your own battle with cancer?
It made my faith grow deeper because I had to depend on the Lord to take care of her. As much as I tried to take care of her or wanted to, what I could do was limited. I just had to pray a lot to him. And just trust. But he was giving her peace and joy in the midst of a really, really tough time.

Why was it so important for you to return this season, even as you continue your treatment?
Basketball—my players and my staff—is one of the loves of my life. It is one of the things that I enjoy; it lifts me up. I felt like it would be an encouragement to me and to my players and staff if I could return. That’s the goal that I’ve worked toward since we started treatment. Fortunately, after the 16 games that I missed, my doctor said, “I think maybe we can try it.” I was very happy, and I wanted to get back. If total rest would cure what I have, then that is what I would do. But it is not like I have a cold or even pneumonia. I have a late stage of cancer, and rest alone doesn’t cure it. I have to be careful and take care of myself, but being with the team and the staff gives me a lift. I hope it gives them one, too.

This round of treatment has been very public. How does this attention affect your treatment and outlook?
I hope any attention I might be getting because of this disease inspires and motivates other people battling cancer. We can’t change the circumstance we’re in, but how we respond to it is everything. I would want people to see that I’m going on with life and dealing with it in the best way that I can. And I would hope that the same thing could be true for each of them.

This is your third bout with cancer. How are you approaching these treatments?
This is completely different from being in stage I. There is no comparison. The chemo treatments are powerful [and] strong. I have a lot of side issues. My life is really changed. You do what you have to do. You don’t just slip away. You don’t know how much life is ahead for you. Obviously, none of us knows that, but it becomes really clear when you are in a situation like I am. Don’t put life on hold. Go on and live. There are a lot of things I still want do.

Like what?
There are things I want to do each and every day. I’d like to find a way to give even more to other people who are battling cancer. I would like to coach a team to a national championship. I would like to continue to grow myself and my faith. I would like to continue to be a part of Bible study groups. I would like to be available to help in the area of basketball—anything that could help to make our game better. I’d like to be able to spend more time with my family—to see my youngest nephew play basketball more and my oldest nephew play football more. There are a lot of things.

What have you learned from your battles with cancer?
Don’t let the urgent get in the way of important. Urgent is “I have to get all this mail off my desk, I have to answer this, I have to do this and that.” The important is faith, family and friends. And don’t forget to smell the roses along the way. Yes, it is a tough time, but roses are still out there. And don’t wallow in self-pity. If you wallow in self-pity you are going to drown. I tell my players, “Just swish your feet a little.” It is OK if you have a little pity for yourself. That is human. But just swish your feet and then get out. And, of course, depend on the Lord. You don’t have control of that situation, but you know who does have control. You don’t know what the future holds, but you know who holds the future. Just run the race strong and press on.